Jordana Brewster on Parenting Judgment: ‘I’m My Own Worst Critic

Rachel Bertsche

Parents are constantly shamed for their choices. From how we feed our children to how we educate them, everyone has an opinion on how to raise kids. The result? Moms and dads feel endlessly judged for the choices they make — even if they have no other options. This week, families around the country are sharing their inspiring, funny, honest, and heartbreaking stories with Yahoo Parenting in an effort to spark conversations, a little compassion, and change in the way we think about parenting forever. Share your story with us — #NoShameParenting

Actress Jordana Brewster never expected how much she would change after welcoming her son, Julian, two years ago. “Having a kid just cracks your heart open, it makes you vulnerable,” she tells Yahoo Parenting. But the 35-year-old star of the Fast and the Furious franchise is the first to admit that motherhood is a learning experience, which she says surprised her at first.  “I thought I would have parenting down the minute I held my baby,” she says. Allowing herself time to figure it out, and learning to silence the self-judgment, has been one of the most important parts of the journey, she says. The actress, who will star in the second season of ABC’s Secrets and Lies, opened up to Yahoo Parenting about the challenges of using a surrogate, her trick for “doing it all,” and her surprise at not being the “super-mellow” mom she thought she’d be.  

Our #NoShameParenting initiative is all about ending the judgment that is so rampant among moms and dads these days. Have you experienced any of that since Julian was born?

When it comes to judgment, I’m my own worst critic. We live in a culture with so many books, so many ways to parent. People who believe in no screen time, those who think it’s OK, that sort of thing. But going into motherhood, I had this preconceived notion that I had to have it all figured out. I’m pretty type-A and pretty organized and when I had Julian that all went out the window. There’s no way to prepare. The minute you’ve got one thing down — like he’s sleeping though the night —  there’s something new to deal with. We just had our two-year checkup and the doctor started talking about giving up the bottle and potty training, and I was like, What? But he’s just a baby! You’ve never got it down. You are constantly shifting, and trying to find a graceful way to do that is the only way to stay sane.

How do you manage that?

Every time something shifts, I remind myself that this is how it’s going to be for the next 20 years, so I have to have fun with it.